Conviction

For a long time my biggest problem was that I had a lack of conviction.

I was not confident when speaking to bosses and colleagues, to my parents, and especially to women. It made me look weak. It made me feel like I had nothing to say. Like I wasn’t smart or funny or attractive.

It was punishing. It made me feel 3′ tall. Which, of course, made things worse.

And, looking back on it, there’s really no one to blame but myself. Here’s why:

It’s my job to show why I deserve to be in the room. It’s that simple.

No one is going to give you something they don’t know you need, or teach you something they don’t know you want to learn.

It’s very much your responsibility to grow and get better. And so I did. It started with leaving a job that didn’t provide me with a clear path to grow. Some people can do the same thing for 30 years for a good wage. I can’t. 

The job market empowered me. It made me realize that I have something to give. That confidence – that conviction – is what helped me land my next job.

Then I got fired from that job.

And I was back to square one. And then again, it was in large part my ability to speak with conviction about my experience that landed me my current position. Now I’m in a place with a career path, a place that empowers their people to have a voice and to have hobbies and passions and interests outside of work.

We don’t get beat down on a weekly basis for not hitting an arbitrary goal. We look inside ourselves. We reverse engineer our processes. We read.

I feel like I should mention that I’m thankful every day for my roots and how I got my start. I really am. The skills and techniques they taught me made me better. They taught me how to be a professional, and sometimes, how not to act.

But I’m also just happy to be where I am.

I’m just grateful as fuck.  

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