Send In The Clowns

A small research firm in Cleveland, Ohio recently concluded that 40% of Sundays fu**ing suck.  

“We recently concluded that 40% of Sundays fu**ing suck.”

-Totally legit research firm in Cleveland

See? It has to be true. Because Science, Wikipedia, and the interwebz.

Let me tell a quick story before we bust out the white lab coats to drop knowledge bombs.

My father-in-law invited me to the Browns game yesterday. Section 134, Row 1, 50 yard line. Not too bad.

I was all jacked up to go. First of all, it was really the first time he and I had hung out in that capacity (one on one guy time with some beers for an extended period of time). And it was awesome in that regard. He is a genuinely great guy and I’m super lucky to have him in my life.

Back to the game. I fucking love going to Browns games. It doesn’t get much better than putting down a couple cold ones and screaming until I can no longer emit sound. That Monday morning raspy voice the next day that tells the world you partied your ass off the day before, screaming “HERE WE GO BROWNIES, HERE WE GO.”

Long story short: the Bungals were winning 17-0 before ‘our flag was still there.’ 

We lost 37-3. A real nail-biter.

We deserted those front row seats with 7 minutes to go in the THIRD quarter. We just couldn’t bear to watch anymore. Icing on the cake? It was 50 degrees and sunny. A genuinely nice December day on the lake.  

All is not well, Mr. Haslam.

The team stinks. They can’t compete. The defense – the highest paid defense in the league – has given up at least 24 points in all but one game this year. 

Their running backs and receivers would be backups on any other team, the quarterback situation is something I’d rather not talk about, and the offensive line – one of the preseason favorites to be the best in the league – gets bullied on every freaking play.

The one bright spot is Gary Barnidge, the TE, and he is on the back 9 of his career. 

It could be a bright spot that we should coast to the first overall pick. But given our history, we’ll more than likely just fudge that up too.

Every radio station in The Land is calling for Pettine, O’Neal (not sure if that is the correct spelling but he’ll be fired in a month so I’d rather not look it up), and Farmer to be fired yesterday. And I agree. I’m done wit em.

I lost my train of thought in the misery. Oh yea, the Browns blow and it doesn’t look like they will be improving anytime soon. At 2-10, this season has been over since October 1st.

A few weeks ago I went to see Love The Coopers (19% on Rotten Tomatoes but worth a watch in December) instead of watching a Browns vs Steelers game. At first I felt guilty for missing the game but when I walked out of the movie and saw that the Browns lost a Chess match to Pittsburgh, 30-9, I couldn’t help but feel relieved that I didn’t sacrifice another Sunday to the Cleveland football gods.

There is no more room for guilt in this Browns fan. Nope. I’ve earned the right to be a front-runner and I intend to use that privilege.


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