Everyone knows the story of the Tortoise and the Hare. Pride got to the head of the Hare who was defeated by a humble yet determined Tortoise. What most don’t know is what happened in the rematch. Essentially, the Hare trained his bushy-tail off and absolutely destroyed the Tortoise. It’s like when Ohio State plays Wyoming School of Choir, in Football.
The moral of the story is a simple one: the art of slow and steady may win one race but talent and speed will eventually claim its place.
That is, until now.
The following headline was run this morning by the New York Post:
THE HARE IS A DOPE
Yes, the Hare is a cheater. The latest in a long line of athletes to illegally use performance enhancing drugs. The report first broke last night when ESPN Foot-Racing Analyst and former champion – Cheetah – tweeted that the Hare had failed the mandatory post-race drug test.
Like most, the Hare blamed the positive test on supplements from GNC: “I thought it was perfectly legal. We got the okay from our rep. They will be hearing from my agent,” said the Hare, filled with anger and jealousy towards the Tortoise, from his private Las Vegas burrow.
The public did not take kindly to the cocky racer’s story, even prompting the public to give the Hare the nickname ‘Bunnicula’.
Meanwhile, support has never been higher for the former-champ, Tortoise. And we are hearing that the National Racing Congress (NRC) will allow the Hare to keep his title for now, but in the future, Hare could have his win marked with an asterisk, or worse – have his championship title vacated entirely. A move that would re-crown the Tortoise as champion of the racing world. When asked to comment, the Tortoise nonchalantly shrugged it off.
As for The Hare, it’s been a tough go of it for the speedy small mammal. Rabbits, Jackrabbits, and other members of the Leporidae family are reportedly outraged. The Hare’s longtime girlfriend – Jessica – could not be reached for a comment.
Apparently slow and steady does still win the race.
Back to you, newsroom.
*Inspired by the BJ Novak short story, “Rematch”.